Fschooliascoff.com

I have a joy inside me that i’ve really no idea where its really coming from, maybe its me looking forward to tonight – seeing so many friends and enjoying a night out celebrating a birthday – Probably that.

But i’ve heard things that have given me a buzz. As I’ve said before I do love looking at the moon and this morning / tonight there is a full one in the sky. I think its got a lot to do with the many great memories I’ve got associated with nights where I’ve seen it. A commonality between episodes.

Went to bed last night around 2am, and saw the moon nicely in the sky over the very heavy looking clouds… Woke this morning to clear blue sky and a white covering all over wherever was green – quite a change but still kinda exciting.

Anyhow… Going for a walk and when back getting ready to go out. For now, I just feel really happy – So i’m sticking with it. Quite different to my last post.

Its been a while again since i’ve really spoken out on here. Although I enjoy the ability it gives me to share whats happening in life and general thoughts, I really don’t share all that I feel. I doubt I ever will at least in the online world.

I have been out dancing salsa – i never realised how much I appologise when I get things wrong until my partner said something and I actually heard myself saying sorry. It’s not that it was particually wrong or right, just not as I saw it should be and for some reason I say “I’m Sorry” or just “Sorry”.

I didn’t go dancing for a long time, and I really missed it – it is something that excites and scares me at the same time. Unfortuantly it seems to show the fear in my face – have to work out how to hide that again.

Is it good that my feelings are finally showing through me instead of just holding it all back. Maybe its something in the freedoms of dance that allows it to shine through… and I’m sure over time that it won’t be fear showing but joy.

It really does make me happy and give me a kind of High feeling… happyness with a great big smile and an energy that I must do something more.

I’ve signed up back at the Arc in Stockton for some of the classes in the Salsa Improvers class. Its quite a bit different to other classes – seems much more of a show and practice and personal tuition at the moment – there isn’t many that go there yet so I’m getting good practice. I feel I’ve learned much in the first session and it was only an hour long. I’ll probably go earlier next week and go to the beginners class aswell.

I had some real good encouragement, exactly when I needed it and am thankful for it. I’m getting more active in life in general and feeling a lot better for it aswell.

Anyhow, I’ll leave it for tonight. I just had so much to express after class. So for a change I’ve updated people instead of sitting back and just watching a movie or something.

On saturday night I went to a trampoline awards night for the club I’m in. Before I went I felt really nervous but couldn’t figure out why – i was shaking or at least felt I was constantly. I got there late, but just in time as my name was announced to come forward for a suprise award – basically as I was a recognised member.

I found my table, and sat with friends and people i knew. This years event was a lot better than last year. Some were drinking a lot, and fairly drunk but still standing. I was not drinking alchol but enjoyed soft drinks and watching and listening to what was happening.

Dinner was different – Half a chicken and squishy chips. The chicken was very tasty but didn’t look like it was going to be. The chips didn’t seem to have any flavour.

There was dancing, but I didn’t feel like joining in. I spoke with lots of friends and worked out who some people were that I’ve spoken with but never known who they were. At the end of the evening – I did get up to dance, it just felt right too – I did notice it was video’d but its all good… however think i was the only real tea-total one at that point on the dance floor.

I do enjoy dancing, its just random movement to music and every so often it looks like you know what your doing. I can disappear into the music so its like your on a river flowing through the notes and following an adventure route knowing roughly where its going and enjoying the ride.

It was a good night. I really enjoyed it.

Last nights dream was interesting, I recall being out with people and seeing a friend thats been ill in hospital. I’ve not heard how they have been doing althou enquire every other day. But it felt like a sign, that they are reaching out and saying its all going to be okay – I know that I pray that they are.

I awoke with words in mind, not just once but twice – in my dream I woke and wrote it down, and then re-awoke realising that I’d not actually wrote it down.. maybe it was to remind me to remember – somethings need to be said multiple times to make you realise.

When we grow up
we are all just still kids
but then in adult suits looking around

We are all multiple – not just one
He is a father, and yet a child
She is a mother, and a nurse
We are all someone, and something else

Maybe it means something, it brought a kind of peace over me and althou looking at it now seems confusing – I know that it made perfect sense.