Attacker Cars – Happy New Year

Posted on by

Its New Year and I chose not to drink but to drive to a friends instead. The night was good, I was attacked by little monsters [Kids] and a baby which was funny – The baby did not run out of energy. Food and friendship was all good and headed back home around 2:30am.

On the way back I had an uncomfortable drive back, there were taxi’s that were driving fine and normal but other drivers I’m sure had been drinking and driving – No police seen anywhere at all.

I had one car zoom up, pull out just before hitting me and then while passing deciding they wanted the lane I was in and moving in and out of it. I had to brake to slow down, they did the same and contiuned. I slowed down more – I got several unwelcomed jestures and laughter from the driver and pasengers who then speeded off cut off a taxi and took the road off.

Within 5 minutes further down, Another car came up Full beam headlights – normally blinding light – Speeded up to me and stuck behind me close – very disconcerting… I took my junction and they did the same as the other car [differnt coloured cars] and swung into my lane before shooting off further down the road I came off.

Thankfully that was the last of it, but it didn’t feel nice, not a great start to things but we must go on.

Ending to say Happy New Year to all, Even the people who wanted to cut me off for their entertainment.

Belief it or Not?

Posted on by

I’ve come to see over the past few years that life and as its put religion is not as it always seems and i’ve been trying to research for myself the truths. I know of what i’ve read, and heard but thats not the same as self discovery.

I’ve realised how much belief in something/someone can influence an outcome and many of the emotions related to it. From Many believing in a healing of a person – Even me (a few years ago my knee clicked out and X-rays showed something torn inside – I could not walk…

People in my youth group prayed with me believing it could help and when I went back the next day to hospital able to walk they re-checked new X-rays to show nothing wrong just a little brusing) so I know from my own sight it works and that in itself re-inforces my faith and belief in it.

I’ve seen when many are focused and placing their belief on something be it in a ritual, worship, prayer, or even faith in a sports team that things happen – people are motivated and a type of euphoria is felt by so many.

It just gets me thinking at what people are really able to do if they put their mind to it and believe in themselves, each other and trust oneanother.

I seem to fill my life with un-needed stuff, be it TV, Computer games, possessions or money – To be working all the time to the point where I don’t know what I should be doing when not working. How do I relax, stop – what do I do?

I worry about a lot of stuff all the time, I don’t know what to do so instead I hide behind the comforts and distractions of home but at the end of the day I know i’ve not acheived anything and still in the place where I don’t know where to go. I guess friends would help me – if they really knew or understood but first I need to know what to say and whom I can trust with it.

I don’t really know if I could do this: Give it all up – sell it off and pay off the debts – be it loans, overdrafts, credit cards or take a chunk of the mortgage or even give up the house and follow my heart and see where it takes me.

Controlled or taken control?

Posted on by

I woke up living in my first home, I Got ready to go and was running very late. I went outside to get in the car to discover a big problem.

The car was in bits – the engine and most of the mechanics were gone. I was angry – Mine, my dads and a few other cars in the street had all been attacked. The guy over the road came out his house and said “Yeah – It was the middle of the night but I didn’t want to get involved so just went back to bed” and left. I was annoyed with him.

Life continued…

Another day, a loud noise was heard from outside while at home – they were back. I went out to try and get things back more than the car [the car was insured] and stuff was taken that couldn’t be replaced.

They said they were an environmental activist group stopping people using their cars to tracel. I argued the idea with them of instead of one car going from 1 to 2, ot 3 to 4 – the one car had to now go from 1 to 2 to 3 to 4 – making more use of fuel. Dad seemed to laugh through the window and left me to it.

I think they heard the police coming as the jumped into a can and started to speed off.

I wanted to know who they were so grabbed a handle of the van and jumped up, the door swung open with me and another hanging on and driving continued up the bank.

we got high up the bank where I let go, myself and others were now running up the next road to the top. At the top – one person pushed me aside towards traffic and for a couple of seconds I realised I was in a dream and could fly and speeded up to them returing to the dream world.

We were talking, after a while one of the girls decided they wern’t going to loose me and took me to where they were meeting. On the way they took a powder of what looked like herbs and threw then in the air, giving me some and encouraging me to join in to help clear the way and allow passage.

After the herbs, there seemed to be a kind of freedom, Joy, peace and respect that made me want to know more. We got to the place and the guy I argued with earlier was there – He was not happy to see me and stormed off down some steps.

The building we were in had a bright sign on the front side with the words “Gil-Moré” in the style of a motel sign or from the film Empire Records. The sign was a glowing red.

I followed the others into another room and sat on a bed. I handed back the herbs I had which had seemed to multiply and we started to talk and…

<Everything stopped> – I was awoken by a phone call and wrote down all I remembered.

Maybe I’ll continue the dream again another time.

Alone

Posted on by

I feel as though there is no purpose, we are here but don’t seem to do much. I have friends but never seem to get to see them or spend any real time with them. MSN can only go so far. I want someone to love, and a family to grow with me and it sucks cos I’m so terrified to show who I am that nothing gets done. I got hurt a few years back and I don’t think I ever recovered.

So I am alone, here :) in this world, waiting for things to happen. I join in on different things and just seem to injure myself instead. I never seem to do what is right and no-matter how things are I feel its just wrong.

The world around me, friends, family and even co-workers getting on in a world where I am but am not at the same time. I exist, but as a believer should not be involved in things that they do or think I don’t understand because of what I believe.. I feel an outcast even with friends for some of the ideas I have about the world and how the spirit world also works.

On one site I have over 150 apparent friends on there and most of them I can say are friends, or at least associates – some of my best friends are not on there yet – I say best, probably better put as closest I think… but even with 100+ friends I feel just here… a leaf floating down a river – many of us there but still all alone flowing through life.

We seem to play within the space We’ve been alocated and float with the groups that were involved with but can’t seem to grip onto what we want and don’t know how to change it but want to at the same time.

My Weekend – Stressed Contentment

Posted on by

Saturday for no reason I can find I felt totally stressed out, like there was so much that needed to have been done and there was no possable way to do it all – worst thing is that I didn’t know what was to be done Just that it needed to be done.

I had a day of somehow feeling anziety and stress followed by total mellow and get on with stuff and sorted all my works accounts I was responsable for, and paper work out – stuff thats needed doing since before May time now totally upto date which i’m pleased about – Somehow organised so that me and others can understand it instead of the Random stuff pile.

I do seem to have a lot of domain names and they are all over different registrars – I think after the count, there was over 70 of them bought on behalf of different companies and all but still, I think thats a lot of names to manage over a year.

Sunday I felt very content with the world, it all seemed fair and was calm – I felt the need to do something and then found “the box of papers” – The “Box” is where every Bill, Reciept, Invoice, Statement, payslips, and random piece of note paper of ideas or check lists have fallen into and are awaiting sorting for the past year.

I finally got round to sorting them and around 9 hours later and several strange films, many disney based and Random UKTV Channels I got through it all but ran out of folders. I now have the majority sorted and somehow do still have ALL my payslips from my jobs. I’ve found I have Every credit card invoice since December 1997 and bank statements going way further than that round 1991 so the sort took a while.

I want to make an Emergencies file – somewhere that I can get everything from Insurances, to contact details with all details there and then ready for use… Its currently just an idea but maybe I’ll get there sometime.

Fschooliascoff.com – Where the inner voice can speak aloud

Posted on by

New Website Location – A place to truely share

The time to talk about anything that happens in my little world, the memories of dreams and strange thoughts that all last within this world I call mine.

Over the past few months I have realised I am not like many of my friends, I have been called Wierd, odd and strange among other things and most of the time I can accept it but recently the tone from others is a kinda caring dis-approval and its really quite disturbing.. The wierd comments have been when i’ve not been attempting to do so and is quite odd.

The inner me, whomever I may be at the time just wants to express without judgement: over the next few months maybe I won’t just be an inner me but be more fulfilled in what I do and think.

History, Future?

Posted on by

My Past year, what have I done: I’m still in the same job i’ve been in for years with little looking to where to go elsewhere. I’m not saying I don’t like my job, but I don’t think its what I want to be doing all my life.

I have however made loads of new friends, connected again with lost friends, seen several be married and some have children.

I ran for election – Local ones, standing for the area I live in because I knew of ways that could help the people. I came third out of six with 498 votes for me. It was hard work but rewarding too. I learned many things including people are willing to talk and want help, I can help others and enjoy it; Polotics when done right is helping others; Most people want to do things but often dont know ehere to start; Among other things :)

I as one person can make a difference, if we want to see something happen we need to go out and do it, get others involved and go for it.

People – Are we all Drifting away?

Posted on by

While standing at the side of a building I look around, I look towards people and they look away. Could I say anything to those people – what would I talk about, how do we staty a community with people in the real world.

A community centre – What is it used for? Is it open to the community? for general use or is it just clubs/societies that run here instead?

I would like to see it as an open place where anyone can come together, chat, have a drink.. On another note, i’d like to do a bible study group where people can come and discuss stuff together. I’ve been in church groups that do it and Christian Union groups as a student but never in the actual communities we call home.

I don’t know if it’ll happen, but would like to see it – Not sure how to procede yet… Should be interesting.

People – Who are we?

Posted on by

What do we see when we look at people? Is it their Job, their actions or how they look. What defines a person and how is it an alone thing. We are all different and I thank God that we are.

Today I’ve had a day out of my normal life to view the past year and whats around me. I can’t say that i’ve worked much out but have noticed a few things that has been nice. I came to wander and watch as everyone is crowded together yet seeking to be with others, on telephones, in a book, in journal writtings or just looking away from people to inner worlds.

We need community back and all or so many seem to want it, otherwise why would sites such as MySpace, and Facebook thrive so well. We want our friends around us – So how can we do this.

If its Going to, it probably will

Posted on by

Where to start, what to say… People say that the time people post most on here is when their not really happy – kinda trying to express themselves in some way – I generally post when I’m happy and with only a few posts so far thats not looking too great for my attitude in life much.

Anyhow today has felt like “If something can go wrong, it probably will go wrong unless you really expect it to go wrong then it may go right instead” – kinda odd to explain.

From the mobile phone being catapulted across the room and unable to turn off the ever increasing alarm, to the car not starting and people insisting on busy roads to do less than 30 in a 60 zone and people cutting in on roads – its just been a hectic day.

I keep missing everyone online, either they are going for dinner or bed [ok, after midnight but it is a weekend now] and instead of chatting I’m posting on Live Journal. Whatever I tried to do and expected to work has just gone wrong and other stuff that I expected to go wrong didn’t so and seemed to throw me off too so very little work done today besides trying to sort stuff.

I got my Wii back from a friend that borrowed it – pitty all the games are still round his place, Its half here now – its got to be a start.

I’m glad the day is now over and sleep is kinda calling. I’m hoping the weekend will be more fruitful and very enjoyable.

No idea what to do yet – kinda thinking about going to a park and just kinda chilling and feeling life around me… What to do… I don’t know.. Any ideas?