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Chilled Night Out

The night was cold, snow and icey around and under – Refreshing change, chilling but fun. The moon was bright and full and making the snow and ice shine as we walked though it all.

I went to a friends 20th on last night (Saturday), drank lots of sweet drinks and cocktails – Felt secure, and safe and very happy. Got to know some I knew by faces only better on the night – it was fun.

It ended so early, met around 8.30pm to 9pm and people left before midnight. Everyone but me had gone by midnight – it felt so early as thou we were just starting but they had things they had to be up for in the morning for work or other things so headed off early.

I couldn’t go yet, I felt an urge to do … something, anything that didn’t involve heading strait to be – not sure I could have anyway with the amount of sugar I had drank – Merry is close to where I got, but was expecting to be out after 2 am so paced the drinks.

I wandered, alone watching the world around me. Noticed a HUGE wheel in middlesbrough where I think before there was a big bottle – maybe it just hides the bottle.

I wandered and went where I felt directed… In the end it was a giant square. I saw so much – so many “drunken” people – it didn’t look like they were having a great time. A LOT of police everywhere – especially on corners. I’ve not really been out in middlesbrough in a long time. I did on my 30th for a little while but not really gone out out… if that makes sense.

I enjoy dancing, and if I was aware that we were just going to be out pre-midnight, i’d have maybe organised to go to the salsa thing in stockton afterwards however didn’t go in the end. Got a taxi home around 1am – about an hour of wandering.

Apparently there was many from work out tonight – i didn’t see them, but was suprised at the sheer amount of people out – only realising its end of month at the end of the night which explains it a bit. Everyone Paid – so out to party.

I enjoyed the night but wanted it to be much longer. Do I appreciate it more as it was short? I dunno as it was so short.

Plans for sunday: Read more of “The colour of Magic” and meet with another friend. Really enjoying reading, althou it does take me quite a while.

I have a joy inside me that i’ve really no idea where its really coming from, maybe its me looking forward to tonight – seeing so many friends and enjoying a night out celebrating a birthday – Probably that.

But i’ve heard things that have given me a buzz. As I’ve said before I do love looking at the moon and this morning / tonight there is a full one in the sky. I think its got a lot to do with the many great memories I’ve got associated with nights where I’ve seen it. A commonality between episodes.

Went to bed last night around 2am, and saw the moon nicely in the sky over the very heavy looking clouds… Woke this morning to clear blue sky and a white covering all over wherever was green – quite a change but still kinda exciting.

Anyhow… Going for a walk and when back getting ready to go out. For now, I just feel really happy – So i’m sticking with it. Quite different to my last post.

This afternoon I’ve not felt too brilliant. I was very tired and felt slugish, no mental or body energy for a while so laid down and went to sleep.

I remember dreaming but it wasn’t nice. Over the past few nights it hasn’t been too nice. There seems to be a negative feeling over them all.

From being hurt in some way and feeing the pains while awakening before realising I’m awake and it passing to the feelings that something was trying to get rid of me. I don’t know why but I don’t like it.

I feel very hot, and can not seem to cool down quickly then suddenly the oposite – really cold unable to warm up. Is it normal? I usually dream nice things, or only seem to remember the nice things anyway. This side I don’t like…

I want to return to my adventures but maybe there is something I need to do – But I need to remember what that something is or to work it out, I hope I work it out soon.

Its been a while again since i’ve really spoken out on here. Although I enjoy the ability it gives me to share whats happening in life and general thoughts, I really don’t share all that I feel. I doubt I ever will at least in the online world.

I have been out dancing salsa – i never realised how much I appologise when I get things wrong until my partner said something and I actually heard myself saying sorry. It’s not that it was particually wrong or right, just not as I saw it should be and for some reason I say “I’m Sorry” or just “Sorry”.

I didn’t go dancing for a long time, and I really missed it – it is something that excites and scares me at the same time. Unfortuantly it seems to show the fear in my face – have to work out how to hide that again.

Is it good that my feelings are finally showing through me instead of just holding it all back. Maybe its something in the freedoms of dance that allows it to shine through… and I’m sure over time that it won’t be fear showing but joy.

It really does make me happy and give me a kind of High feeling… happyness with a great big smile and an energy that I must do something more.

I’ve signed up back at the Arc in Stockton for some of the classes in the Salsa Improvers class. Its quite a bit different to other classes – seems much more of a show and practice and personal tuition at the moment – there isn’t many that go there yet so I’m getting good practice. I feel I’ve learned much in the first session and it was only an hour long. I’ll probably go earlier next week and go to the beginners class aswell.

I had some real good encouragement, exactly when I needed it and am thankful for it. I’m getting more active in life in general and feeling a lot better for it aswell.

Anyhow, I’ll leave it for tonight. I just had so much to express after class. So for a change I’ve updated people instead of sitting back and just watching a movie or something.

Another blog… except daily with pictures: http://ojm365.wordpress.com

The plan is to take a picture of something in that day, and write some thoughts on whats happened or something like that. So far its been kept up to date.

Day 1: End of 2009
Day 2: Beggining 2010
Day 3: Read left or right its the same date in the US
Day 4: End of new years break
Day 5: Back to work
Day 6: Semi fake milk
Day 7: The sixth day

So one week down so far, 51 or so to go.

Whats been happening in life, well it seems not much at first glance and the same answer I give to people asking “What have you been up too”. I work, I play, dance and enjoy. But in reality, quite a lot.

I’ve been focusing more on what I can do. How I can expand my knowledge and abilities. In dancing, I’m learning to salsa weekly now aswell as following learning things online using videos and stuff. Video is useful as can rewind and replay, but class is great as can be shown close up what and if I go wrong. All is fun.

On the computer, I am learning Adobe products & doing courses using distance learning. I’ve always wanted to learn photoshop & Flash and now I am slowly. The course will take something like 9 months but found other resources like adobe tv and seminars that adobe do on tuesdays and thursdays.

In other news I’ve had a meeting with business link on how i can adapt to take over the family business and how I can run it all from business management & staffing to finances and marketting.

Aswell as business link, i’ve met with people from the North East Chamber of Commerce (NECC) on how to get funding, do networking & training. Its a lot to take in but I’m getting more excited and interested the more I hear.

At trampolining I’ve started on sumasaults, I can get around and onto my feet in the rig but otherwise I kinda go splatt but its a start. I am also getting the chance to help others in trampolining – my assistant coaching qualification coming to use. Its amazing when people learn something you’ve taught them. Its better than payment in reality.

Links used in this post:

• Business Link North Ease
• North East Chamber of Commerce
• Adobe recorded seminars
• Adobe TV
• Adobe

How many of us have found food we thought we had we have no more and not because we ate it… but something else had.

I’ve been sorting through my cuboards, clearing out old stuff. I found I had products in there that we dated early 2003 which is odd considering I moved in here in late 2005 so that was nice to discover.

I cleared the shelves and it all seemed good and then got to the bottom shelf where things were not so good anymore… Where a lot of my herbs, and Teas are kept and a lot of snack products like rivita, and other dried breads and crackers….

Seems the should have been kept in glass as something had eaten its way through and into every box, and packet be it cardboard or plastic… all with contents spread over the bottom shelves now…

It took me a while to clear, and I didn’t find anything that was eating its way but its one way to clear a cuboard – shame as now have to go get new stuff… Nevermind, glad its sorted and didn’t happen with company – that would be uncomfortable.

I don’t like to think what other creatures are around the house… I just accept there are things, and the less I know the better… then I don’t over think it.

“Ignorance is bliss, until you understand why!”

To dance and be so free – lost in the moment.

On saturday night I went to a place in town I’ve not been before called kilamanjo’s – they had a night of salsa and food. A friend from work invited anyone who wanted to go to it, only myself and them went.

I was told the wrong time – an hour of difference so I was early – it was meant to start at 8pm – I was told 7pm so was early arriving just after 7. Gave me time to write, and mix with people as they came in.

First time in around 3 months having alchol with a tasty wine. Fruity but not too steet – then again its a red so i dont think it should be too sweet. I only had 2 glasses of wine, otherwise it was softdrinks – its not good to have a lot of alchol then try dancing – especially when co-ordination is a major factor.

Salsa Dancing

It was good to see people smiling, I wondered how I’d get on, knowing that it was going to be fun and it was – the food was good too – think i’ll go there again even if its not a salsa night.

I hoped to get lots of dancing done and have lots of fun. It was great fun and I was told I suprised people that I could do at least the basics… I went blank and couldn’t remember how to do things so just stuck with the very basics of moves but was still a lot of fun.

I got to speak with so many people… I was alone for a while so did the general intro of “hi, I don’t really know anyone here so thought i’d introduce myself and see how it goes..” the general reply was welcoming and we got on well.

I saw a few people i’d met from classes when I started there and caught up of whats been happening in life. It was good to see them as it meant I had different groups of people to mix with and wasn’t hanging around with those that invited me.

It was a good night, and headed home soon after midnight as was tired and most people had headed off. I had a good night, with new and old friends.

I need to work out how to use confidence, and remember what I can off the moves to use when dancing.. I think half of it is wondering what others think but when I do things its enjoyable. Try to stay posative, and remember everyone was a starter at one point.

I get headaches, I’ve been to the hospital to see consultant and they’ve started me on some medication that I’ve not taken for the past 7 weeks slowly increasing to a full dose. I’ve to give it 6 weeks to get into my system. I hope it will stop the headaches and especially the migranes.

At the hospital they told me I seem to have a mixture of headaches – Migrane, and a daily style one that happens to co-inside with the migranes – really knocks you out in multiple ways – sight not in focus, pain, dizzyness and dis-orientation, queezy and generally just feeling not right.

Sometimes its like a sudden pulse and hits you strong, and then gone but usually it starts as a kind of nagging pain in the back of the head moving to focus just above eyes increasing in pain to the point where its difficult to do anything. Concentration does not really exist, hard to sleep, read, watch TV/PC – you just can’t do anything.

I have a hat/cap that I put on, its a set of gel pads that are chilled that covers the eyes and seems to hit points on the head that calms the pain down a little… just enough to get to sleep – its also great if wearing contacts too long, as cools the eyes and refreshed them.

Anyhow I hope that it fixes the problem the medications – I;m not meant to drink alchol with them, but according to the NHS website it says not in first 4 weeks as can amplify effects.

First night I took first meds it made me sleepy within 45 minutes and I slept really well, after 3 days it didn’t make me sleepy but the dose went up after 2 weeks to 2.5x the original dose, and full dose was 5 times original. I don’t get sleepy quickly off them but do seem to rest well each night.

A quick change from 2am bed times to 11pm, and now normally between 12:30 and 1am… which seems a good time.

Over the weekend i’ve met up with a friend that I’ve known a while and we decided to go into county durham and meet some of her friends. Went for a meal and to the pub quiz – which we didn’t do too bad in, which was a suprise – think its the first quiz I actually knew several answers to questions instead of one or none.

I met her friends and it was like instant relaxation and getting one with one another – thats not happened in a long time. I’ve not litterally met with people and got on right away with what was no less than hi, my name is… quick intro and head on out. It was really good.

I was glad to see her and meet more people. I often get to meet a lot of people and know a lot of people from all different things. I find it good to know people or at least start to get to know people. Its been good.

I think that I write more when I feel happy. A more eveness in the world. Not that I’ve been feeling down or anything just not especially happy either. Inspiration from happyness. I guess its more that I like to try and make people happier and its easier when your feeling in happy.

I’ve found when I see friends often I am a lot happier.