Fschooliascoff.com

It didn’t work, I couldn’t manage past about 8 days I think it was when the camera ran out of power and I’ve still not found the battery charger. Its a strange block thing. Found lots of batteries, none of which have energy in them. I can probably get a charger on ebay – pitty I don’t know which one it is.

Maybe I’ll try a weekly message instead. I’d like to see how I change over the year – I’ll try using the camera in the top of the laptop to take a picture a week and see if I change at all… If anything it’ll show me aging of sorts.

Its been a while again since i’ve really spoken out on here. Although I enjoy the ability it gives me to share whats happening in life and general thoughts, I really don’t share all that I feel. I doubt I ever will at least in the online world.

I have been out dancing salsa – i never realised how much I appologise when I get things wrong until my partner said something and I actually heard myself saying sorry. It’s not that it was particually wrong or right, just not as I saw it should be and for some reason I say “I’m Sorry” or just “Sorry”.

I didn’t go dancing for a long time, and I really missed it – it is something that excites and scares me at the same time. Unfortuantly it seems to show the fear in my face – have to work out how to hide that again.

Is it good that my feelings are finally showing through me instead of just holding it all back. Maybe its something in the freedoms of dance that allows it to shine through… and I’m sure over time that it won’t be fear showing but joy.

It really does make me happy and give me a kind of High feeling… happyness with a great big smile and an energy that I must do something more.

I’ve signed up back at the Arc in Stockton for some of the classes in the Salsa Improvers class. Its quite a bit different to other classes – seems much more of a show and practice and personal tuition at the moment – there isn’t many that go there yet so I’m getting good practice. I feel I’ve learned much in the first session and it was only an hour long. I’ll probably go earlier next week and go to the beginners class aswell.

I had some real good encouragement, exactly when I needed it and am thankful for it. I’m getting more active in life in general and feeling a lot better for it aswell.

Anyhow, I’ll leave it for tonight. I just had so much to express after class. So for a change I’ve updated people instead of sitting back and just watching a movie or something.

Some time ago, its hard to think when it all really started I became very stressed and all of a sudden got the feeling that I wasn’t truely really here. I have basically had this feeling ever since, but because it has been so long, I tend to forget about it, but then sometimes I realise that I’ve still got it, which frightens me.

It is very hard to explain, but I feel as though I am detached from people, as though I am living in my head. It is as though I have a veil in front of my eyes that separates me from people. My vision is not affected, but sometimes things feel very dreamy.

I have to really concentrate on things happening before me. It almost feels as though my brain is separate from my body.

Most friends would say I was normal, just like everyone else but in reality I hide myself behind that person so that people don’t see the real me and althou I want people to see and accept me I don’t want to be rejected either.

So when it all gets difficult, and I am ignored I disappear into the dream like world where I can control whats going on while continuing this life… Its like living two simultanious lives at once. I can’t say I’m unhappy in life, just wanting more from it.

More recently I’ve wanted to play board games rather than computer based ones.. going back to a time before computers were everywhere. Always have enjoyed

Older IT games, before facebook there was neopets. Recently I’ve discovered I have pets on the game over 8 years of age… probably older than some of the people now playing on it strangely enough.

I remember times of Shareware games in DOS. Great fun in the olden times, sharing how to do things, get past codes and make our own versions and passing them on.

• Neopets
• Shareware
• DOS