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Chilled Night Out

The night was cold, snow and icey around and under – Refreshing change, chilling but fun. The moon was bright and full and making the snow and ice shine as we walked though it all.

I went to a friends 20th on last night (Saturday), drank lots of sweet drinks and cocktails – Felt secure, and safe and very happy. Got to know some I knew by faces only better on the night – it was fun.

It ended so early, met around 8.30pm to 9pm and people left before midnight. Everyone but me had gone by midnight – it felt so early as thou we were just starting but they had things they had to be up for in the morning for work or other things so headed off early.

I couldn’t go yet, I felt an urge to do … something, anything that didn’t involve heading strait to be – not sure I could have anyway with the amount of sugar I had drank – Merry is close to where I got, but was expecting to be out after 2 am so paced the drinks.

I wandered, alone watching the world around me. Noticed a HUGE wheel in middlesbrough where I think before there was a big bottle – maybe it just hides the bottle.

I wandered and went where I felt directed… In the end it was a giant square. I saw so much – so many “drunken” people – it didn’t look like they were having a great time. A LOT of police everywhere – especially on corners. I’ve not really been out in middlesbrough in a long time. I did on my 30th for a little while but not really gone out out… if that makes sense.

I enjoy dancing, and if I was aware that we were just going to be out pre-midnight, i’d have maybe organised to go to the salsa thing in stockton afterwards however didn’t go in the end. Got a taxi home around 1am – about an hour of wandering.

Apparently there was many from work out tonight – i didn’t see them, but was suprised at the sheer amount of people out – only realising its end of month at the end of the night which explains it a bit. Everyone Paid – so out to party.

I enjoyed the night but wanted it to be much longer. Do I appreciate it more as it was short? I dunno as it was so short.

Plans for sunday: Read more of “The colour of Magic” and meet with another friend. Really enjoying reading, althou it does take me quite a while.

I have a joy inside me that i’ve really no idea where its really coming from, maybe its me looking forward to tonight – seeing so many friends and enjoying a night out celebrating a birthday – Probably that.

But i’ve heard things that have given me a buzz. As I’ve said before I do love looking at the moon and this morning / tonight there is a full one in the sky. I think its got a lot to do with the many great memories I’ve got associated with nights where I’ve seen it. A commonality between episodes.

Went to bed last night around 2am, and saw the moon nicely in the sky over the very heavy looking clouds… Woke this morning to clear blue sky and a white covering all over wherever was green – quite a change but still kinda exciting.

Anyhow… Going for a walk and when back getting ready to go out. For now, I just feel really happy – So i’m sticking with it. Quite different to my last post.

This afternoon I’ve not felt too brilliant. I was very tired and felt slugish, no mental or body energy for a while so laid down and went to sleep.

I remember dreaming but it wasn’t nice. Over the past few nights it hasn’t been too nice. There seems to be a negative feeling over them all.

From being hurt in some way and feeing the pains while awakening before realising I’m awake and it passing to the feelings that something was trying to get rid of me. I don’t know why but I don’t like it.

I feel very hot, and can not seem to cool down quickly then suddenly the oposite – really cold unable to warm up. Is it normal? I usually dream nice things, or only seem to remember the nice things anyway. This side I don’t like…

I want to return to my adventures but maybe there is something I need to do – But I need to remember what that something is or to work it out, I hope I work it out soon.

I think I’m addicted to sugar and sweet things. I just love the taste and can not think of almost any day that I’ve not had something with sugar in it. I can recall a time when my headaches were bad and I cut cafeen out – that took chocolate out at the same time. I did it for a month – it didn’t effect the headaches – I still got them.

I know there are many addictions, and freinds have struggled through the withdrawl and pains of it all. I am thankful that I’m not diabetec – I don’t think I’d survive. Many of my friends are, and at least I’ve usually got something on me that can help them if their sugars drop low. So thats kind of a posative to it all.