Where am I now? what is my purpose? Is there a direction? Follow where? Where am I coming from? What are these ideas that swirl within my existance.

Over the past few months I’ve been trying to understand myself, and what I feel and until now I really didn’t know how to even start putting things into words. I’m not saying I know everything yet but I have a beginning and thats where I’ll start.

I know what I feel, if thats only what I know – I don’t know what it says about me just that its what is behind the happy show I put up front.

I don’t know the point of most things anymore but realise that friendships are one of the most important things of being alive. I am very thankful of the friendships I’ve been given and those of you that read this I hope you realise how much you mean to me 🙂

I question everything now, from the reality we live in to the beliefs that have made me who I am. I don’t know what is real and what I’ve been conditioned into accepting as fact. I have to re-learn it all in a way that I search for answers rather than being told this is the right way.

Over the past few years I’ve looked into different beliefs of friends – some I agree with, some I really do not and some I can see where their coming from but dont know why they do it. Almost everyone of the people I speak too say they don’t know if their belief is the right belief but its what feels right to them – I don’t know anymore.

Back to me… I don’t know where I’m going in life – I look back and see failed times, and some victories and a very long calm – this calm is here and doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere. I’m waiting for some direction or a shove in a direction. I work by a “Show me how” and “Practice – try it out” and see where it takes me.